A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
