Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
