why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
