I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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