It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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