going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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