See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
