You're my little dorito
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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