He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
