whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
