So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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