So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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