is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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