Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
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You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
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Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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