Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
We smell like vodka and hangover
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
