Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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