even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
