Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize