Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
