you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
this boner is exhausting
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
