Please, let me fuck your mom
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
