I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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