If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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