I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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