just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
