Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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