People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Rumble strips road head = magical
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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