you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
