there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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