I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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