I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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