Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
