We named our party play list daddy issues
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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