i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
