Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
