My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
