My pussy is not your playground.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
