we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
