Rock
Scissors
Fuck
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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