Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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