Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
