she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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