I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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