planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
