He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
