I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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