Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
