I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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