Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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