I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
