Well douche your snatch and let's go!
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
