I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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