It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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