Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
