so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
