chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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