Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
