i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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