The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
North Korea, Best Korea!
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
