Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
