eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
